As I reflect on my upbringing and the kind of parent teenager relationship I experienced with my parents, I realized that my overriding memory of them was being told what to do and correcting me when I did something wrong. Lo and behold when I became a parent for the first time, I realized that my parenting style was much the same. Unfortunately this approach did little to build relationships.
Since that time, I have researched and learned new ways of parenting. In particular I have adopted coach like qualities that I have incorporated into my parenting strategies. One key coach like quality is to ask powerful questions that have worked to help build my parent teenager relationships.
The reality for many parents is that when they do ask questions of their teenager, they usually ask "how" and "why" questions. Unfortunately these kinds of questions often causes communication to get rail roaded. Let me quickly tell you why.
When as a parent you ask your teenager a "how" or "why" question, they are called to account. This often leads to a defensive posture whereby they feel they need to justify their position. From here they have to deal with feelings of not being good enough.
On the other hand, when you ask a "what" question you are focusing on a single item, one that is not looking for a reason or that's too difficult to answer. Also upon further reflection, your teenager can add to their response at a later date.
Try to find a way to weave the following ten questions into your conversations.
1. What are your most important life goals?
2. If you can get this, just like you most want it, what is the best thing about it for you?
3. What is the first step to take, to have that?
4. What will you do by next week?
5. What is the main barrier that is stopping you from getting X?
6. What would it take to avoid hitting this block?
7. If you could overcome these road blocks, what value would that have for you?
8. What is the number one thing that you learned through...?
9. What does your ideal life feel like? Sound like? Look like?
10. If you could go back in time, what would you have done better?
Remember that these questions and certain others that you may wish to ask, should be asked tactfully so as to not give the impression that you are running a survey or interrogation. Instead weave these questions naturally into your conversation based on the agenda of your teenager.
By integrating these specific powerful questions into your dialogue with your teenager, you can expect to create an improved parent teenager relationship that will be a blessing for both of you.
Since that time, I have researched and learned new ways of parenting. In particular I have adopted coach like qualities that I have incorporated into my parenting strategies. One key coach like quality is to ask powerful questions that have worked to help build my parent teenager relationships.
The reality for many parents is that when they do ask questions of their teenager, they usually ask "how" and "why" questions. Unfortunately these kinds of questions often causes communication to get rail roaded. Let me quickly tell you why.
When as a parent you ask your teenager a "how" or "why" question, they are called to account. This often leads to a defensive posture whereby they feel they need to justify their position. From here they have to deal with feelings of not being good enough.
On the other hand, when you ask a "what" question you are focusing on a single item, one that is not looking for a reason or that's too difficult to answer. Also upon further reflection, your teenager can add to their response at a later date.
Try to find a way to weave the following ten questions into your conversations.
1. What are your most important life goals?
2. If you can get this, just like you most want it, what is the best thing about it for you?
3. What is the first step to take, to have that?
4. What will you do by next week?
5. What is the main barrier that is stopping you from getting X?
6. What would it take to avoid hitting this block?
7. If you could overcome these road blocks, what value would that have for you?
8. What is the number one thing that you learned through...?
9. What does your ideal life feel like? Sound like? Look like?
10. If you could go back in time, what would you have done better?
Remember that these questions and certain others that you may wish to ask, should be asked tactfully so as to not give the impression that you are running a survey or interrogation. Instead weave these questions naturally into your conversation based on the agenda of your teenager.
By integrating these specific powerful questions into your dialogue with your teenager, you can expect to create an improved parent teenager relationship that will be a blessing for both of you.
About the Author:
Are you presently frustrated, trying to make your relationship with your teen work? Are you looking for a way forward in your parent teen relationship ? If so, secure a hold of parenting expert, Paul Saver's, 7 FREE parenting videos. Each one is designed to take your relationship to a higher playing field so that when you speak, your teen naturally wants to listen.
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