As people we are naturally drawn to those fellow human beings who walk their talk. It is easy to trust them. Whereas those other fellow human beings who say one thing and do another, we would prefer not to even relate to them.
Consider then your current behavior in your parent teenager relationship. As a parent, do you walk your talk? Or are you a walking contradiction?
If it turns out that your words and action do not form a straight line, your parent teenager relationship will be seriously tested.
Does it mean that you as a parent, needs to be perfect or near perfect? The answer is absolutely "no" provided you are a parent that is coach able. Being coach able means that you have the mindset and the practice of listening, learning, changing and growing. What that means is admitting your mistakes to your teenager and making your sincerest effort to make amends and doing whatever it takes to get your relationship tracking to where you want it to go.
This path calls for great commitment and patience which are important values to model to your teen.
It should be said that your teenager comes with a sophisticated inbuilt BS detector. Therefore any insincere action will be exposed, causing you to lose credibility.
Here is a checklist of some in congruent behaviors that may currently be stalling the development of your parent teenager relationship.
1. You are staring at the ceiling when you tell your teenager that you love them.
2. You insist that your teen be respectful when they speak to their mother. However your words lose their power when your teen catches you name calling their mum.
3. You decide to be strict about your teenager's curfew. However your credibility is shot to pieces when they discover your all night drinking escapades.
4. You explain to your teenager the importance of being loyal to their friends whilst you are cheating on your spouse.
5. You give your teen a 'spray' when they have failed to pay you back the money you lent them. The next day they witness you trying to avoid paying a parking fine that you clearly incurred.
6. You chastise your teen for experimenting with drugs but you are a heavy drinker.
7. You push your teenager to eat healthy but you insist on drinking Coca Cola every day.
8. You stop your teenager from borrowing your car because you caught them speeding yet you have incurred two speeding fines this year already.
9. You tell your teenager that 'honesty is the best policy' yet they know that you are not telling the truth to their mother.
10. You tell your teenager to be persistent yet you have held five jobs in the past three years.
Viewing these ten statements, in the light of your parent teenager relationship, how did you go? If three or more of these statements describe you, the chances are high that you lack integrity. This would explain some of the difficulty your teenager might be having to receive your guidance.
What then is to be done? Commit to being a person who listens, learns, changes and grows. This way your teenager can be more accepting and open to your advice.
Consider then your current behavior in your parent teenager relationship. As a parent, do you walk your talk? Or are you a walking contradiction?
If it turns out that your words and action do not form a straight line, your parent teenager relationship will be seriously tested.
Does it mean that you as a parent, needs to be perfect or near perfect? The answer is absolutely "no" provided you are a parent that is coach able. Being coach able means that you have the mindset and the practice of listening, learning, changing and growing. What that means is admitting your mistakes to your teenager and making your sincerest effort to make amends and doing whatever it takes to get your relationship tracking to where you want it to go.
This path calls for great commitment and patience which are important values to model to your teen.
It should be said that your teenager comes with a sophisticated inbuilt BS detector. Therefore any insincere action will be exposed, causing you to lose credibility.
Here is a checklist of some in congruent behaviors that may currently be stalling the development of your parent teenager relationship.
1. You are staring at the ceiling when you tell your teenager that you love them.
2. You insist that your teen be respectful when they speak to their mother. However your words lose their power when your teen catches you name calling their mum.
3. You decide to be strict about your teenager's curfew. However your credibility is shot to pieces when they discover your all night drinking escapades.
4. You explain to your teenager the importance of being loyal to their friends whilst you are cheating on your spouse.
5. You give your teen a 'spray' when they have failed to pay you back the money you lent them. The next day they witness you trying to avoid paying a parking fine that you clearly incurred.
6. You chastise your teen for experimenting with drugs but you are a heavy drinker.
7. You push your teenager to eat healthy but you insist on drinking Coca Cola every day.
8. You stop your teenager from borrowing your car because you caught them speeding yet you have incurred two speeding fines this year already.
9. You tell your teenager that 'honesty is the best policy' yet they know that you are not telling the truth to their mother.
10. You tell your teenager to be persistent yet you have held five jobs in the past three years.
Viewing these ten statements, in the light of your parent teenager relationship, how did you go? If three or more of these statements describe you, the chances are high that you lack integrity. This would explain some of the difficulty your teenager might be having to receive your guidance.
What then is to be done? Commit to being a person who listens, learns, changes and grows. This way your teenager can be more accepting and open to your advice.
About the Author:
Do you miss the times when your teenwas about ten years old and you could have a normal conversation with him? Do you wonder why it is so damn hard now to say anything without receiving some attitude? If this sounds like you, but you know there must be a way forward to develop your parent teenrelationship , grab parenting expert Paul Saver's seven FREE parenting videos.
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