As a parent do you feel overwhelmed by the pressure to buy your teenager the latest gadget or trendy piece of clothing? Do you find yourself caving in and later feeling "I wish I would have just said 'no' ?". Moreover, do you have the experience of feeling "damned if you do and damned if you don't?" If so, you can take some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Welcome to the world of the parent teenager relationship.
Even so, let me begin by saying that you ought to get used to saying "no" in your parent teenager relationship and not feel guilty about it. Does this then give you a license to be a cranky old fart who always says "no" whatever your teen asks of you? Of course not. Then how do you avoid being labelled as the nerdy parent who always gets negative when you want to buy some cool stuff?
Whenever your teen comes to you and says they want the latest gadget, your immediate response should be positive and upbeat. This does not mean to say that you agree with your kids wish or that you are ready to hand over your hard earned cash. By being positive, you communicate that you think that they are capable of making good decisions.
Remember that a common perception of many teenagers toward parents is that parents often say "no" to their ideas. In your parent teenager relationship you don't want to be playing into the hands of your teenager by confirming that your nick name is "no".
What else can you say that indicates your openness? Usually when our teenagers ask me to buy stuff, I often say something like "who will be paying for it?" Notice that this comment causes them to think outside the box, that is, aside from Mum and Dad.
Over a period of more than ten years, I have supported our kids' purchase of many items valued between a couple of dollars and up to thousands of dollars. Since from an early age they got the idea from their parents that they were paying for it, they got into the habit of quickly deciding how much they really wanted the item. Many times they came to the conclusion that "after thinking about it, I decided that I don't really want it". However in the process, they experienced the support of their parents who were ready to help them help themselves to make it happen.
By the way, in case you think that my wife and I are scrooges or something like that, we do buy stuff for our kids for their birthdays and other occasions.
For my wife and I, our response to our kid's requests for stuff, has resulted in the following three benefits. By keeping an open mind, we have been able to discuss the pros and cons of buying certain items. We rarely ever said a blatant "no" to anything they wanted. Secondly. Our kids were encouraged to do a cost-benefit analysis regarding any purchase idea, particularly if it meant spending more than a few dollars. Thirdly. We have been able to teach our kids about money and to value and look after their stuff.
Even so, let me begin by saying that you ought to get used to saying "no" in your parent teenager relationship and not feel guilty about it. Does this then give you a license to be a cranky old fart who always says "no" whatever your teen asks of you? Of course not. Then how do you avoid being labelled as the nerdy parent who always gets negative when you want to buy some cool stuff?
Whenever your teen comes to you and says they want the latest gadget, your immediate response should be positive and upbeat. This does not mean to say that you agree with your kids wish or that you are ready to hand over your hard earned cash. By being positive, you communicate that you think that they are capable of making good decisions.
Remember that a common perception of many teenagers toward parents is that parents often say "no" to their ideas. In your parent teenager relationship you don't want to be playing into the hands of your teenager by confirming that your nick name is "no".
What else can you say that indicates your openness? Usually when our teenagers ask me to buy stuff, I often say something like "who will be paying for it?" Notice that this comment causes them to think outside the box, that is, aside from Mum and Dad.
Over a period of more than ten years, I have supported our kids' purchase of many items valued between a couple of dollars and up to thousands of dollars. Since from an early age they got the idea from their parents that they were paying for it, they got into the habit of quickly deciding how much they really wanted the item. Many times they came to the conclusion that "after thinking about it, I decided that I don't really want it". However in the process, they experienced the support of their parents who were ready to help them help themselves to make it happen.
By the way, in case you think that my wife and I are scrooges or something like that, we do buy stuff for our kids for their birthdays and other occasions.
For my wife and I, our response to our kid's requests for stuff, has resulted in the following three benefits. By keeping an open mind, we have been able to discuss the pros and cons of buying certain items. We rarely ever said a blatant "no" to anything they wanted. Secondly. Our kids were encouraged to do a cost-benefit analysis regarding any purchase idea, particularly if it meant spending more than a few dollars. Thirdly. We have been able to teach our kids about money and to value and look after their stuff.
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If this article is useful and relevant to you in terms of cultivating your own parent teenager relationship , you might be interested in getting parenting guru, Paul Saver's seven FREE parenting videos. Each video is power packed with content to save or even upgrade your relationship, so that when you speak, your teenager will want to listen to you.
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