In your parent teenager relationship, you are probably mindful of the need to praise and give credit to your kid so that he can build a healthy level of self esteem and self belief. However it is possible to over do it so that your efforts can back fire.
Here are four ways in which the use of praise in your parent teenager relationship can back fire.
Firstly. Dishing out cliches such as "excellent" or "fantastic" to praise your teen can become meaningless. It is far better to offer specific feedback such as "I noticed despite all the pressure, you were able to turn a defensive move into an attack on goal". This kind of feedback is specific, more personal and educational, making it superior to any cliches.
Secondly. Ensure that your praise is age appropriate. Praising your ten year old for eating all their vegetables can cause him to feel pride in his accomplishment. However, for a fifteen year old it may cause him to take your words as an insult.
Thirdly. Avoid praise that reminds your teenager of some past weakness or failure. For example, don't say: "finally you scored a goal after all the shots you had, that missed". This takes the gloss off the praise that you give.
Fourthly. Acknowledge that excessive praise can be problematic in that it may disturb a teen's motivation to succeed. Sometimes parents can be so keen for their teenager to be successful that the kid gets 'lost' and feels added pressure to perform to simply please his parents.
It can be seen then, that when praise is inappropriately used, it can have a negative impact.
In order to build the best parent teenager relationship; make sure the praise is age appropriate, give specific feedback rather than issue cliches, steer clear of reminding your teen of past failures and don't get too excited about your teen's suceess.
Here are four ways in which the use of praise in your parent teenager relationship can back fire.
Firstly. Dishing out cliches such as "excellent" or "fantastic" to praise your teen can become meaningless. It is far better to offer specific feedback such as "I noticed despite all the pressure, you were able to turn a defensive move into an attack on goal". This kind of feedback is specific, more personal and educational, making it superior to any cliches.
Secondly. Ensure that your praise is age appropriate. Praising your ten year old for eating all their vegetables can cause him to feel pride in his accomplishment. However, for a fifteen year old it may cause him to take your words as an insult.
Thirdly. Avoid praise that reminds your teenager of some past weakness or failure. For example, don't say: "finally you scored a goal after all the shots you had, that missed". This takes the gloss off the praise that you give.
Fourthly. Acknowledge that excessive praise can be problematic in that it may disturb a teen's motivation to succeed. Sometimes parents can be so keen for their teenager to be successful that the kid gets 'lost' and feels added pressure to perform to simply please his parents.
It can be seen then, that when praise is inappropriately used, it can have a negative impact.
In order to build the best parent teenager relationship; make sure the praise is age appropriate, give specific feedback rather than issue cliches, steer clear of reminding your teen of past failures and don't get too excited about your teen's suceess.
About the Author:
Are you searching for ways in which you can have a normal relationship with your teenager without all the fighting and attitude? If so, get a hold of parenting expert, Paul Saver's 7 FREE parenting videos. Each video has been carefully designed to help you transform your parent teenager relationship so that when you speak, they seriously want to listen to you.
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