Are you currently in a parent teenager relationship where you have already given lots of praise and affirmation to your teenager and yet they still lack confidence and suffer from a fear of failure? This appears to be a widespread phenomenon. As a parent what can you do to turn this around so that your teenager can deal with risk and failure in a healthy way?
I would like to introduce to you three tips that when applied will make a huge difference.
Firstly. In your parent teenager relationship, make the effort to spend a few minutes each day to emotion coach your teen. This means to validate all their emotions, the good, the bad and the ugly, whilst guiding them toward emotional mastery.
The last thing you want to do when your teenager is distressed is to minimize or trivialize their emotional reactions. Don't say things like "get over it" or "its not the end of the world" or "there's nothing to be upset about". These may have become part of your lexicon of self talk that have worked for you. However, if you ignore or play down your teens feelings, you run the risk of them feeling alienated. Alternatively, when your teenager feels understood, they will tend to relax on the inside.
Secondly. In your parent teenager relationship, it is critical that you allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. This is part of what you teach your teenager. The reality is that whenever you move out of your comfort zone and accept new challenges, mistakes will occur. Mistakes then become the price that needs to be paid in order to be successful.
As a parent, if you come down on yourself when you make a mistake, you unwittingly teach your teenager to do the same. For instance, supposing you have just locked your keys in your car. How do you respond? Do you say things to yourself like: "What's wrong with me?" or "how dumb of me?" If so, this is what you are teaching your teenager to say to himself. Alternatively you could say: "What a bummer but no problem because I will get a spare set of keys cut the next time it happens".
Thirdly. You only fail when you give up. Remind yourself that in any endeavour that is worth pursuing there are always problems that arise.
Setbacks are part and parcel of life itself. They are not meant to knock you out. Rather, setbacks come to help you become stronger and wiser. By knowing how to deal with setbacks, you can provide some valuable life lessons for your teenager.
By being kind and generous to yourself, you teach your child to be kind and generous to himself and others.
By emotion coaching your teenager, by accepting your mistakes as a vital part of your learning curve and by knowing that failure only occurs when you give up, you can powerfully assist your teenager to build their confidence and develop a healthy attitude toward risk and failure. By doing so, this will go a long way in helping you create a wonderful parent teenager relationship.
I would like to introduce to you three tips that when applied will make a huge difference.
Firstly. In your parent teenager relationship, make the effort to spend a few minutes each day to emotion coach your teen. This means to validate all their emotions, the good, the bad and the ugly, whilst guiding them toward emotional mastery.
The last thing you want to do when your teenager is distressed is to minimize or trivialize their emotional reactions. Don't say things like "get over it" or "its not the end of the world" or "there's nothing to be upset about". These may have become part of your lexicon of self talk that have worked for you. However, if you ignore or play down your teens feelings, you run the risk of them feeling alienated. Alternatively, when your teenager feels understood, they will tend to relax on the inside.
Secondly. In your parent teenager relationship, it is critical that you allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. This is part of what you teach your teenager. The reality is that whenever you move out of your comfort zone and accept new challenges, mistakes will occur. Mistakes then become the price that needs to be paid in order to be successful.
As a parent, if you come down on yourself when you make a mistake, you unwittingly teach your teenager to do the same. For instance, supposing you have just locked your keys in your car. How do you respond? Do you say things to yourself like: "What's wrong with me?" or "how dumb of me?" If so, this is what you are teaching your teenager to say to himself. Alternatively you could say: "What a bummer but no problem because I will get a spare set of keys cut the next time it happens".
Thirdly. You only fail when you give up. Remind yourself that in any endeavour that is worth pursuing there are always problems that arise.
Setbacks are part and parcel of life itself. They are not meant to knock you out. Rather, setbacks come to help you become stronger and wiser. By knowing how to deal with setbacks, you can provide some valuable life lessons for your teenager.
By being kind and generous to yourself, you teach your child to be kind and generous to himself and others.
By emotion coaching your teenager, by accepting your mistakes as a vital part of your learning curve and by knowing that failure only occurs when you give up, you can powerfully assist your teenager to build their confidence and develop a healthy attitude toward risk and failure. By doing so, this will go a long way in helping you create a wonderful parent teenager relationship.
About the Author:
Are you worn out and frustrated in dealing with your teenager who always seems to have an attitude? Are you at your wits end as to what you can do? If this sounds like you, go now and get parenting expert, Paul Saver's, 7 Free parenting vids. Each vid is formulated to get your parent teenager relationship back on track. Just click on the link.
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