In your parent teenager relationship it is very natural to want to express your approval and support of your teenagers efforts. Part of your lexicon of phrases that you naturally use may include telling your teenager how proud you are of them and their accomplishments. Whilst the intent is only good, inadvertently, it becomes a self affirming exercise. In doing so, your teenager fails to get the full credit that is due to him.
Here's why.
Let's say hypothetically that you had studied and worked for several years to get a promotion in your company. Despite the fact that there are more than four hundred applicants, you land the position. The next day, through conversing with the CEO of your company, you learn that your qualifications were far superior to all the other applicants. You naturally come to feel a deep sense of pride and accomplishment.
Now supposing you contacted a friend to tell her the good news. She responds by saying:"I am really proud of you". How would that go down with you? I suggest that your friend's response, whilst well meaning, would cause you to feel that the emphasis has shifted from your great accomplishment to her feelings of pride.
What a world of difference it would have made if she said something like: "wow, what an incredible achievement, you must be feeling really proud of yourself?".
Your friend's comment comes across almost like her saying that somehow she had a part to play in your success and she was bathing in your limelight.
So what's a fundamental lesson here that we can apply to your parent teenager relationship?
In your parent teenager relationship, you as the parent are in the position to serve. Therefore your focus ought to be on the growth, development and well being of your child. Naturally you will feel a sense of pride as you witness your child's achievements. However that should not detract from affirming the accomplishments of your teenager.
Here's why.
Let's say hypothetically that you had studied and worked for several years to get a promotion in your company. Despite the fact that there are more than four hundred applicants, you land the position. The next day, through conversing with the CEO of your company, you learn that your qualifications were far superior to all the other applicants. You naturally come to feel a deep sense of pride and accomplishment.
Now supposing you contacted a friend to tell her the good news. She responds by saying:"I am really proud of you". How would that go down with you? I suggest that your friend's response, whilst well meaning, would cause you to feel that the emphasis has shifted from your great accomplishment to her feelings of pride.
What a world of difference it would have made if she said something like: "wow, what an incredible achievement, you must be feeling really proud of yourself?".
Your friend's comment comes across almost like her saying that somehow she had a part to play in your success and she was bathing in your limelight.
So what's a fundamental lesson here that we can apply to your parent teenager relationship?
In your parent teenager relationship, you as the parent are in the position to serve. Therefore your focus ought to be on the growth, development and well being of your child. Naturally you will feel a sense of pride as you witness your child's achievements. However that should not detract from affirming the accomplishments of your teenager.
About the Author:
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